Come on Take My Hand Baby There's a Turn in the Road That We've Been Taking

Love songs are where we become our passion, our soul — and almost of our worst ideas.

Zilch good tin can come up of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.

---

Throughout human being history, oceans take been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and swell families have blossomed — all because of a few unproblematic chords and a tune that inflamed a eye and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other mitt, that time you told that girl yous simply started seeing that yous would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love song. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

"It's just, my mom. You know? And 50.A. is and so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photograph via iStock.

That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex's house? You did that because of a love song. And 50 hours of community service afterwards, you're withal non back together.

Honey songs are great. They make our hearts crush faster. They inspire the states to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas virtually how actual, existent-life homo relationships should work.

They're amazing. Then amazing. And also terrible.

Here are six love songs that audio romantic but aren't, and 1 song that doesn't audio romantic only totally is:

1. "God But Knows," by The Embankment Boys

You tin can proceed your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Assist me Rhondas."

When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy tune. A tie-dye swirl of audio. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the nearly heartrending lyrics e'er committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo past Hulton Archive/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

I may not always beloved you

Merely long as there are stars to a higher place you

You never need to doubt information technology

I'll make you so certain near it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.

If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your heed, you demand to rethink the choices that got you lot to this point.

If yous're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you lot are doing information technology wrong.

Hippies, probable on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

It's a song that merely feels like beloved. Pure dear. Young dearest. Love with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.

What could be incorrect with that?

Here's why it'southward actually really, actually unromantic:

At that place'south zilch wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their pilus as they fall asleep while yous whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo past hatchettebookgroup.biz.

Only there is such a affair as loving someone a skosh besides much.

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still keep believe me

The world could bear witness nothing to me

Then what good would living exercise me?

Await, I get it. Breakups suck. In that location's no getting effectually that. But skilful God.

In that location's a huge deviation between proverb: "Hey baby, you are my showtime and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you become." And proverb: "Welp, you accustomed that task in Seattle, and so I'k but gonna chug a agglomeration of nightshade and telephone call it a life."

Merely that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd be without you lot

...horror-movie creepy. Considering the answer, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a proficient run. Photo via iStock.

That's not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional abuse.

Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — 1 that, by definition, might one day end — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Sure, God may only know what y'all'd exist without her, but God probably also hopes yous have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Endeavor kite surfing.

"Yep! Hell aye! What was her name over again?" Photograph by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.

Ane person cannot be anyone'southward exist-all and end-all. It's too stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be done before yous can do anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

2. "Treasure," past Bruno Mars

Certain, it's a breathy rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. Only, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and every bit tribute acts get, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Await at that face. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.

Here's why the song sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what you are

Honey, yous're my golden star

Y'all know you tin brand my wish come true

If you let me treasure you

If you lot let me treasure you

Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-form brand-out party and you'll likely get an instant toll laissez passer on the highway to tongue-town (ew).

Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you lot over for running a stop sign, and they will think you're weird — simply probably notwithstanding make out with you.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to brand out with America because of this song.

This is what happens when yous write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photograph by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'k OK with that.

But, here's why "Treasure" isn't equally romantic every bit it seems:

Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes about gender.

"Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the starting time fourth dimension we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things outset to go southward right from the very beginning:

Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby

I gotta tell you a picayune something about yourself

Ah yes. Zip screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."

What could information technology exist? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could information technology exist that she'due south got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume about early mod German history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Thank you for instruction me all near Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: It'south none of those.

You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you lot're a sexy lady

But you walk around hither similar you wanna be someone else

Oh. It's that she'due south sexy. Absurd, bro. Very original.

Word of communication? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't touch on her day-to-twenty-four hour period so much that yous, a complete stranger, demand to shout information technology at her (even over a funky disco snare).

So what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I think being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good way to spend a 3-day weekend.

Sure, there'd be an adjustment menses... Photo by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.

Then later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty daughter, you should exist smile

A girl similar you should never expect and so blue.

He respects her so much, he's actually straight-upwardly telling her to smiling! Much like Mars' graphic symbol "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I judge everybody's got a affair.

Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said adult female beingness and then totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."

He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the world'south creepiest pirate:

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you lot, y'all are

You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure

Yous are my treasure, yep, yous, y'all, y'all, you are

By this point, in his mind, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.

I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she's not just any affair.

GIF from "The Two Towers."

That's ... something, correct?

iii. "Don't Call back Twice, It's All Correct," by Bob Dylan

For every bit long equally humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwardly with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people similar. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

Fifty-fifty y'all don't know by now

And information technology ain't no apply to sit and wonder why, babe

It'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn

Expect out your window, and I'll be gone

You lot're the reason I'thou a-traveling on

But don't think twice, it's all right.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'due south the vocal your older sister played on continuous loop for vi months after her boyfriend left for college. The vocal that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a air current chime shop in Mendocino. The vocal your friend's absurd dad e'er wants to play when he invited your high school ring over to his flat to jam.

"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Certain, it's near the end of a relationship, only information technology sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be enough?

Hither's why it'southward really sooooo messed upwards:

Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while at that place is no right way to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a hard, honest give-and-take almost what went wrong.

It's non me, Joan. It's y'all. 100% you. Photograph by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Recollect Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It's your fault."

Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Recollect Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my centre, merely she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, correct? You're all like, "Babe, I just take so much unspecified honey to requite," and she's like, "Accept out the trash!" And you're like, "Merely baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the domestic dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need y'all to practise is take out the trash." And yous're like, "Y'all're bumming me out. I'm gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you practise? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!

You could have done better, just I don't mind

Yes. Yous do mind! Yous mind! You wrote a song about it, you passive-ambitious prick.

Yous just kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension

Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Think about all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when yous could have been futzing around with that habitation-mash kit.

Yes, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute y'all start breaking it downward, the message of "Don't Think Twice" all of a sudden starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sis'southward ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Like your aunt'southward air current chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

"You kids want a beer? No i'southward under 13, right?" Photograph via iStock.

Oh yes, and the song's narrator also point-blank refers adult female he's leaving every bit:

A kid, I'g told

That's right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive wiggle — turns out, he's also perhaps a pedophile.

Even if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's non actually a kid — which in that location's no indication it is, only OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly cull an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive mode is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may be the point.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane," by John Denver

Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a behemothic aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photo past Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were nevertheless kind of new at the time information technology was written.

'Cause I'g leavin' on a jet plane

To a modernistic ear, this would exist sort of similar singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a style that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summertime camp. Not easy to do!

Oh infant, I hate to go

You encounter — he hates to become! He only hates information technology! Nosotros know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't love his partner just that much?

See ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.

Why indeed?

Here's why it'due south actually not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the globe can simply distract so much from the fact that the song's chief character is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't really seem like he hates being abroad all that much:

There's and then many times I've let yous down

So many times I've played around

I tell you now, they don't mean a affair

"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched solitary while you were dwelling house nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Actually fun. Similar, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"As empty equally this bed I just finished having sexual activity with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Aye, when you lot break information technology downwardly, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'south "good" despite all evidence to the contrary.

And for all he claims to exist cleaved up about having to part from his one and just, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are yous? Are you Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad y'all were forced to choke downward as you sabbatum waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious take a chance?

"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photograph by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you

Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you

Ah cool. He'll recollect about her while strumming and making "my dearest is delicate as the morning time dew" eyes at a waif-y grad pupil in the forepart row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

So he demands:

And then kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that y'all'll wait for me

After all the betrayal and heartbreak, afterwards basically revealing himself to be a class-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to look? To wait for him?

And here'due south the kicker:

When I come back, I'll bring your wedding band

Ah yes. He'll put a ring on information technology. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.

Dissimilar all the previous trips, where he'south cheated a billion times, drained the family banking company account, and but been a full general screwup and disappointment.

But yeah. This time he says he'll bring dorsum a wedding ring.

I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks dorsum.

5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge

When you expect up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays y'all a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo by Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays yous the very first line.

Here's why it sound very romantic:

When a man loves a woman

Sure, you lot tin write the lyrics down, but it doesn't fifty-fifty come close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The succulent, delicious pain-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A Adult female

Closer ... simply withal no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yeah! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It'southward an elemental lyric.

Information technology'south a heart-shattering lyric.

It'south a lyric that demands y'all put your back into it.

It's perfection.

As long as you lot don't keep listening.

Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," nosotros know that, at least on occasion, a homo loves a woman.

Which raises the question: What happens when said human loves said woman?

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that's the way

It ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A human being, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a human being will dice of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his dorsum on his best friend if he put her down.

No! Jeez. No. A homo tin't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a man'south whole support organisation erodes out from nether him, a homo will exist bitter, ungrounded, and lone. And a man's mental wellness will deteriorate.

I gave you everything I take

Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love

Baby, please don't treat me bad.

This is not what happens "when a human loves a woman." Information technology'south what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

"Information technology's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.

And that'south not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're hither for you lot.

(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than one mode for a human being to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms. Peradventure they clothes up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a homo, I imagine information technology feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no one-size-fits-all honey solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Diversity is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more than one fashion to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine become downwardly.

It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Signal being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek assistance! You can practice this! And if you lot always detect yourself in a like situation, please give these people a telephone call.

6. "All I Wanna Do is Make Honey to You," Centre

Honestly, Center could sing a list of the well-nigh popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'due south All-time Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me desire to bawl my optics out in the arms of a tall, nighttime stranger at the end of a pier.

This vocal is perfect. You should always be listening to information technology. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the confront and Google it. It'southward merely that important.

I am singing the phone volume. You lot are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.

So much passion. So much pain. So much hair.

Here's why information technology sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Centre sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a cardinal tribute to the ane true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on World: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for 1 night of mind-blowing sex and and then releasing him back into the wild to bone — just never quite as compellingly ever once more.

They sing:

It was a rainy nighttime when he came into sight

Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat

So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride

He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while

I don't have to go on because you lot know what happens next, and it'southward crawly.

"I but sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

At present, here's why this song is not romantic at all:

The human relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too skillful to be true. And it is. Because it'due south not an equally loving ,or even as lusty, pairing at all.

It's a...

It's a...

Well. You know what information technology is:

Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are humming along only fine, similar any wholesome, illicit, anonymous thing should:

I didn't ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain

Fate, tell me it's right, is this love at first sight?

Sure, many of united states of america might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.

I can respect that.

We made magic that dark

He did everything right

Smashing! Seems like it was a good conclusion. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.

Only then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more than like a story men'due south rights activists tell each other as they vape around a bivouac:

I told him "I am the bloom, you are the seed

We walked in the garden, we planted a tree

Don't try to observe me, delight don't you lot cartel

Just live in my memory, yous'll always be there"

I'grand not a poet. Symbolic language frequently eludes me. Merely unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, not-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

HELLO! Photo past Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.

Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Y'all might be tempted to think, "Perhaps Centre meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

Then information technology happened one mean solar day

We came circular the aforementioned way

You tin imagine his surprise

When he saw his own optics

There are two possibilities here.

One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway advertizement from 9 years agone:

Photo by eyedonation.org.

Or two: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping upwards a infant on the sly.

I said, "Please, please empathize

Ah, certain. Yeah. No worries.

I'grand in love with another man

Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not i just ii lives.

And what he couldn't give me, oh, no

Was the one little thing that you can"

A HUMAN LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The best you can say about that is that it'due south non technically illegal, and that leather-jacket homo probably should have been responsible for his ain nativity control. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .

But ... it'southward not cute. It's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).

And at the end of the twenty-four hour period, the shadiest graphic symbol in this song is somehow not the pelting-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which... is saying something.

Simply there is a love vocal that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a body of water of problematic faves.

A song that does everything right.

A vocal that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership built to last.

A song that can double every bit a manual for the platonic human being romantic human relationship.

And that song is...

"Candy Store," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Here's why you might exist — OK, nigh definitely are — skeptical:

50 Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo past Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

Every bit tricky as "Candy Store" is, every bit fun it is to dance to, and equally cathartic equally it can be to scream in the eye of a crowded fraternity business firm at ii a.thou., in that location'south no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:

I'll take you to the candy shop

I'll let yous lick the lollipop

I'll post that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:

I'll have you lot to the candy shop

I'll allow you lot lick the lollipop

Way to take ane for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!

At start glance, "Processed Store" is nobody's idea of a archetype beloved song.

The lyrics are ... unusually forrard. The beat is kinda basic. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Burn" on your new Xbox 360.

It's not a song you'd put on a mixtape for your beat out. It's not a song you lot'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and you've got ix hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'southward certainly non a song you'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.

It's just non.

But information technology should exist.

So here information technology is. Here'south why "Candy Shop" by l Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:

You wanna back that thing upwardly or should I push up on information technology? Photograph past ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. It'due south only been 20 seconds, and y'all're already getting ready to hang it up with "Processed Store."

But then ... over the foursquare thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the form of a female vocalism joining the track, cut through the din like a blaring call.

She sings:

I'll take yous to the candy store (yeah)

Male child, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll take you spendin' all yous got (come on)

Proceed going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

It's common! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!

Band the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz due west/Flickr.

50 Cent himself may not exist the earth'due south greatest partner — for case, co-ordinate to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.

Just the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:

You could accept it your fashion, how do you desire information technology?

Rather than merely imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in yous!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to treat you lot like a chest total of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," ("I'one thousand going to trick you into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the world of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The embankment? The park?

It's whatever you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive well-nigh his desires.

But hither'south the key thing: the lady on the receiving cease of those desires? She's conspicuously into it. And we know this because she says then.

The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are bright cerise, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky club flooring.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we do ...

And where nosotros practice ...

The things we practise ...

Are just between me and yous

No matter how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. It volition be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very peradventure in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.

She may have a loftier sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to arrange her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids merely might get the distance after all.

And at the end of the 24-hour interval, what is a relationship but 2 nymphos, sharing health insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.

It's like information technology's a race who could get undressed quicker

Once more, everybody is having a corking time. And, critically, an equally slap-up fourth dimension.

I touch the right spot at the right time

Of grade, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random humbug, just if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least equally skilful at "doing everything right" as the bearding hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's non a hero or a stranger in the dark or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a good partner.

"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's dingy. Information technology's not your grandmother'southward love song.

Merely when you lot strip abroad the swagger, the back shell, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the terminate of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the cease of the twenty-four hours, isn't that what a good for you human relationship is all about?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.

Then seductive.

freemanbrourcomis.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

Share this post